It has been almost three years that I have been married to my amazing American husband. We met in the Philippines in 2014. Many people are shocked when they hear where we met. I am a Korean and my husband is an American, but we met in the Philippines! Yes!
When I decided to marry my husband, almost all of my friends told me that they were so so jealous of me. It's NOT because I can live in America. The reason why they were jealous of me was because I would not have “Shi-world!"
Shi-world is the name Korean wives have for their husband's family. Shi-omneoni is mother-in-law, Shi-abeoji is father-in-law, Shi-nui is sister-in-law, and Ajubeonim is bother-in-law in English. Except only brother-in-law, all the family's name is with "Shi" in front. That is why Korean wives call their husband's family “Shi-world.” It is another world beside the Earth.
The relationship between Shi-worlds and wives is really really important and complicated. In fact, there are many people who get divorced because of this relationship instead of the relationship between the husband and wife. Also, many Koreans give up on marrying to someone because of this relationship.
There are some comparisons between American mothers-in-law and Korean mothers-in-law based on my experience! (This is not my second marriage; I just know about Korean mothers-in-law because it's my culture!)
[choco_teddy](http://blog.naver.com/choco_teddy/220868149109) picture of a wedding in Korea. They are doing "Jeol" to their parents.
First of all, the level of politeness is different. Before I visited my husband's parent's house for the first time, I asked my husband if I have to say Mr. or Mrs. all the time, and if I have to say "would like to (which is how many Koreans think is the most polite way to say something)" whenever I spoke. My husband said, "No, honey just put please at the end of your sentences. That would be enough to be polite." However, when I met his parents, I felt like it was so rude and not polite enough, so called his parents Mr. and Mrs., and said would like to in every sentence. My husband's parents laughed at me and told me that I do not need to do that and to relax. It was extremely hard for me to say anything thought was impolite. Especially, when I talked, I had to refer to them as “you.” Oh my god, I felt like I was a totally terrible person. In Korea, Shi-omneonies are the most important people for wives. I have to say all kinds of the most polite words for them. Otherwise, I will carry some huge loads on my shoulders during my marriage. Of course, there are many nice Shi-omneonies.
Second, when people have some holidays in Korea, it means wives will die soon. Why? Because they have to go to the Shi-world with their feet, and they have to cook and clean everywhere all day long. They don’t get any help. If their husbands try to help them, Shi-omneoni would say, "You are a man! Do not even think about coming inside the kitchen!" Husbands are in the most awkward position between their mom and wife! In Korea, there are still some people who believe in strict gender roles. That is why women have to work so hard like working animals.
[감성렐라](http://cafe.naver.com/kyerongapartment/635943) A Korean wife made all these food for her Shi-omeneoni's birthday.
In contrast, I do not need to cook or clean in America. When I visited my husband's parents' house for Thanksgiving or Christmas, they always cooked and cleaned for us. I literally did not need to do anything. I just helped cleaning the dishes after supper. I felt so bad because I feel like my Shi-parents, who have to get the most respect, worked so hard by themselves. However, I was so comfortable during the holidays because of their love for us.
Opinions are a big problem in Korea as well. Korean wives cannot say something that they think is right to their Shi-parents. Their Shi-parents think it is kind of rude and disrespectful. Wives also think that it is rude because they are younger than Shi-parents, and Shi-parents might have more life experience. Whenever Korean wives try to say something, they have to expect that there will be a huge conflict soon. Also, that might bother their married lives for a long time.
However in America, if I do not express my opinions clearly, then that is rude and disrespectful to my Shi-parents. One day, I went clothes shopping with my mother-in-law. She recommended a lot of clothes that I would never wear. I did not want to get them, but I felt that I could not say that I do not want to get them because I felt so sorry to her and felt like I was disrespecting her tastes. It ended up that she bought them for me, and I try to wear them only when I go to see her. I still feel bad about it. I am pretty sure that she knows about that too. I told my husband about the story, and he told me that I should have told her that I do not like them right away, and that’s more respectful. Since then, when I go shopping with her or do anything with her, I just tell her, “I think that looks old”, “I do not like it”, “Nah,”etc. Now I have gotten used to it and feel comfortable with it! I think it is a really good idea because I do not need to have any regret on my mind even though we might feel a little bad at that moment.
When wives go on a trip with their Shi-parents, that is really different too. Every year, my Shi-parents visit us in Texas to see us with their RV. Whenever I see them, I ask them to sleep over together. Most of the time they say, “It would be nice, but it will be uncomfortable for you guys.” They have many reasons like not enough rooms, small bedroom, etc. I have guessed they want to really rest by themselves on the trip. Also, I told my mother-in-law that I would like to sleep with her and will hug her so much, and she was shocked haha! If I did something like that with a Korean Shi-omneoni, they would think they are so loved. They would really love me and think that I really think they are my real mom.
Also, while we sleep together, she might tell me a lot of secrets about my husband and her husband sometimes too! haha! I felt a little bit isolated when my mother-in-law was shocked by what I said. Now I understand her though.
I am really lucky that I got such a wonderful Shi-omneoni. I really love her so much. Indeed, she is the best mother-in-law ever. She does everything for me and thinks of me as her real daughter. Where is the Shi-world?
This picture is from my wedding on June 18, 2016. She is the best mother-in-law ever.
There are so many differences between American mothers-in-law and Korean mothers-in-law. I thought it was pretty interesting. If someone has similar experiences like mine, please share them with me in the comments!